Recovery from anorexia nervosa, it's more than 'just eating'

Recovery from any eating disorder is extremely hard and may take many years, some say that you never fully recover from an eating disorder but just learn how to cope with the thoughts better. Anorexia Nervosa means nervous lack of appetite as oppose to anorexia which is just a lack of appetite. Not everyone who is slim has an eating disorder, having anorexia nervosa IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING SKINNY! This frustrates me so much and it is almost used as an insult when in reality it is a deadly illness. It tricks you into believing things that aren't true, for me my thoughts of disgust seem extremely real but apparently its a delusion. How can i see something different to what other people see, this is what really confuses me.

It is true that in recovery food is the medicine but gaining weight is only the first step. Recovery is so hard! It's like trying to break away from a toxic, controlling friendship. You have to fight every day despite what you may think about yourself and it takes time. The relapse rate is high which is very worrying as this illness kills people.There is a lot of psychological help needed to treat eating disorders and the NHS have been a great help in my recovery by basically forcing me to start real recovery in an inpatient unit for 6 months.

In my worst times i felt like i was in my own dark world with no escape or sense of reality. With the help of CAMHS (which I've been in for nearly 3 years in total but two of those years were for my anxiety and depression) my family and friends and my medication i am on the journey to recovery. It is so so hard and i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. The guilt. The shame. Feeling repulsed at your own body. The constant groan of thoughts playing on your mind over and over again.

If you have a mental illness keep fighting because you are worth more than your horrible , negative thoughts!